WHERE are my fellow 'tism rizzlers!!?! (theater kids and adjacent)

[BLACKOUT]

[DIM LIGHTS ON CENTER STAGE REVEALS A RING OF CHAIRS, THE SPOTLIGHT HIGHLIGHTS ONE WITH A 20-SOMETHING PERSON SITTING CROSS-LEGGED]

Player: hi everyone, I'm [redacted] and I'm a theater kid in remission. (sighs) I've been performing since I was three and have probably been in around 50 or 60 stage plays (homeschooled), as well as improv and ren faire work. my favorite musical is Hadestown and my dream roll is... (trails off)

[BLACKOUT. END SCENE]

okay I MIGHT BE WRONG ABOUT THIS but I'm realizing that I think I spent most of my life basically learning to be The Best at copying behavior?? which is also literally just masking????? theatre is full of ND people and it's so funny not being around it anymore (and losing like 2 years to the panacotta) and going,, ohhhh wait not everyone feels like they're performing every time they're in public? you mean,, it's rude to peoplewatch and pick apart someone's mannerisms and appearance and (privately) analyze it?? truly one of the moments of clarity I've had in my life. maybe not the best but. y'know. not to mention I WANTED TO GO TO BIG BOY SCHOOL for theater!! (thank dog I didn't)

I'm suffering through NT/undiagnosed work hell and it took me a YEAR to gain back my "normal people" skills and I still fuck it up all the time. I wish I didn't have a little director in my head going "okay well that was good, but you can always be better" after nearly every social interaction :( why is NT functional so hardddd I just want to be totally silent or yap incessantly

consequently, though, I'm still pretty banger at rizzing people up because I have the cool infodump weirdo vibe that people usually find funny :3 it's hilarious when people find me "mysterious" but it's probably because my social battery was burnt out so I went nonverbal at the function and left early :p