(Part 2) From Devotee to an atheist
Continuing from my previous post, here are the main issues i encountered in KC, Im sure some of you will relate to parts/all of it(Im referring to radheshaym Das when I say RSP btw):
Neuroticism: As someone rightly pointed out in this sub previously, the whole idea of KC capitalizes on a person’s insecurities and emotional vulnerabilities. Most devotees have never received affection/love from their family/friends previously in their lives, hence they use KC as a coping mechanism(Also a good number of them are not so great in studies/incompetent in general, and end up getting judged by their friends and relatives). The primary reason they pick it up with so much enthusiasm is because they keep getting validated by preachers usually in case of radheshyam pr’s setup, they’re 3-7 years older in well paying corporate jobs. Which 17 yo vulnerable kid doesnt like that? Once they’re in it’s fairly difficult to get out given all the fear mongering and judgements they’ll have to face.
Diet: The fact that you cannot eat anything that isnt offered leaves you with very little food options to eat. So either you cook it yourself or you eat from a temple, given the restrictions in both the cases the food is usually carb dominant and has a pretty bad micronutrient profile. For say if you think spinach is high in iron, it isnt, the iron in spinach is non heme and can’t be easily absorbed by your body. Also, RSP and his trainees heavily discourage consumption of protein(one speaker literally said “if one consumes over 5gms of protein in a day his genitals get agitated!” Like WTF?!). In most centres under RSP you’ll eat half cooked rotis/ indian bread(which is a nightmare even if you arent allergic to gluten) twice a day with some twig/bottle guard roast curry, or the standard rice dal. Only sunday feast tastes good, rest of it is something to survive on. As a result of this not just most neophyte devotees, but most brahmacaris also face some or the other severe health condition. It is certainly lifestyle induced in most cases, but they stupidly keep denying stating “Krsna is bring merciful by washing my sins off”, like stfu already?!. I was said the same thing when I fell sick every now and then.
Morning program: Waking up and bathing at 4:30 AM as a 19YO is an absurd experience! It is unhealthy for any age ground whatsoever. It leaves you sleep deprived and will have its insomnia/apnea like consequences in very little time. Your whole day feels like an “emergency mode”, you’re never relaxed into your life with that sleep cycle. Your pulse is higher than usual throughout the day. And not being able to eat anything until 9AM(5 hours after you wake up) is a fucking ridiculous experience. I get PTSD thinking of it and even as Im writing it. And no chanting doesnt get any better with time. You will only hate it more unless you’re a braindead fanatic zombie! Like RSP
Us vs Them: RSP and his team constantly keep bifucating 16 rounders(literally what they call it) and everyone else. It will very certainly make you hate everyone else who doesnt chant 16 rounds. Most devotees under RSP have FUCKED UP relations with their parents, friends and other relatives. RSP constantly keeps reemphasizing on not to participate in any “mundane” activities with frds or family. They kinda push you to not visit your frds/fam during vacations or even talk to them on call often.
Mental health: You can never really have a meaningful friendship with most devotees. You can talk about very few things, beyond which both of you will get awkward/uncomfortable. And as mentioned previously, you will end up being nutritionally and socially frustrated. You will see your non devotee friends living normally, and you will get jealous(I did too, and all devotees do), inorder to cope with that you will see yourself as superior to them as you are practicing some “divine service”, and these will end up in hellish life and you shall go eternal Goloka. You’ll develop a very fragile ego because of this, and add incompetence into this and boom! Fucked up mental health.
Crazy Restrictions/rules: I guess I already discussed this in this, but to give a crisp list: No meat/onion/garlic/ anytg thats not offered, no engaging with non devotees in anyway unless for preacing/studies(which is again a service to krishna), No(prajalpa) talking about anything besides Krsna, take bath multiple times a day for stupid reasons, no eye contact with opposite gender, no movies/music/social media use it only for service if need be, mobiles/laptops monitored using different softwares, no desire to dress/look good, no trips/tours/trekks/picnics only Krsna conscious ones are allowed.
Misogyny/sexism: I believe it has been talked about enough number of times on the sub, wont beat the dead horse.
Pardon my language. Thats for this post, will cover my rest of the journey into atheism in subsequent posts. Thank you for reading.