Leaving Soon After Joining

Hi everyone, sorry this is a longer post.

I'm currently a member of the LDS Church that has been attending for about 6 months and baptised for 3. I study religion at university (academic not theology) and usually pride myself on being pretty well-versed in many beliefs. I saw a lot of aspects of the Church that I liked theology, though hadn't fully looked into the Church History side of things (my own fault).

Recently I've been learning more about the relationship between the endowment and the Freemasons. The fact that JS made the endowment two months after joining was a huge red flag to me. And as I've delved deeper, I read comparison guides that showed the exact wording, signs, tokens, etc between the two and it's uncanny. I posted in multiple LDS pages, talked to multiple missionaries about it and no one can answer it. Even the Church's official stance as quoted in the Church History is: "Joseph Smith never described how the endowment came to be, and there is no recorded revelation outlining its content."

I cannot find an intellectual or spiritual justification for this. Another thing is the Kinderhook plates and the lesser known Greek Psalter Incident.

I feel so guilty and bad because I've just joined. I have a lot of friends at Church and it has been such a good environment for me. I've had really crippling anxiety since I was 11 (I'm 25) and this is the only thing that's ever made me feel functioning again. I've taught Sunday School, gave a sacrament talk. I even have a job now, which is crazy to me.

I'm tempted to remain in Church, just reach and discuss things academically rather than relying on "testimony." I won't tell them my true feelings and probably use it as a social outlet. Is this wrong? Should I just cut it off altogether?