I don’t want a career.

Hi I’m 26F and I don’t want any career, nothing really interests me except animation, but that field is really hard to get jobs in or you would have to survive with freelance. I don’t really want to do contract work or freelance. I also don’t want poverty wages that come with a lot of these art careers. Right I’m making nothing so I know what it’s like. I’m sure some of you will say, “I’m an art director and I make 100k, its possible!” Sure, those jobs are probably limited in demand so the odds of getting one are low. I have a bachelors in Liberal Arts.

Right now I’m doing an online certificate for UX Design which is still artsy. But now that I’ve hit the project part of the certificate I’m getting nervous. Why do I give a crap about designing apps? Why do I have to tie myself down to career like this just to survive? I’m going to hate my life.

Right now I work a shitty job with barely any pay and I live with my parents. I don’t have debt bc I went to community college. I was considering a masters degree but I really don’t want one or care for one. I don’t know why I’m not like my brother who works very hard every day on his masters degree and is putting in several hours a day job hunting.

How can i just make myself suck it up and just finish the certificate to apply for jobs afterwards or do a masters degree? I spent ages 19-24 in full panic about my future career and had crying spells, almost dropped out of college, and was having panic attacks all the time. I wanted to be a graphic designer/animator but 19-20 was when i realized it was not viable due to ROI and low demand for them. Now i have no desire to do those fields.

If i can’t do UX Design i have no other options. I have no other backup. The only two options i had were to become a female monk and move to monastery and renounce everything I have for the rest of my life. The other option us for me to get an arraigned marriage (in my culture this is a thing) and support my husband thorough odd jobs/cashier/etc. Maybe I would just have a kid and a different career idea would come to me by then. At least i would not be a burden on my parents anymore.

Edit: Damn!! This blew up like crazy!! I thank all of you who are trying to knock some sense into me. I want to be financially independent, I even dreamed of moving to Europe. But without some kind of career or university plan I can’t do any of those things. I am struggling with severe anxiety, at least since 2017. I can’t really see things rationally anymore and I feel severe anxiety over little tasks and new experiences. I’m not completely blaming mental illness, it could be the fact that I’ve never had to struggle in my life. I was never a kid who dreamed about having a career. I simply did not care. When i became 18, reality slapped me hard in the face and i have not been able to cope since then.

I will finish this UX certificate (I have 3 months left of it) but I’m going to seriously consider getting married in case UX does not work out while I still have my youth and can find a husband. Like i said, i have no other backup for a career. And I’m not gonna look for another path. I’ve been looking non-stop for 6 years and I’m tired. Maybe getting married and having a family and being a homemaker is more fulfilling than selling my soul to a career I don’t want. But I don’t know. My parents are separated and my dad was abusive, so I’ve seen what financial abuse is like and I have doubts about just “getting married.” I’m a whole mess when it comes to my future and I’ve been like this for a while.