Swimming and male bodies

I just wanted to write out some thoughts I’m having after swimming for the first time post top surgery, in the hopes it might help other people.

I grew up swimming, I’ve done it for as long as I have active memory, and it always used to be my happy place - I love the weightlessness, and the way your body moves with the water. My mum used to call me a water baby and had to drag me out after hours in the water. Obviously this changed after puberty kicked in and I figured out I was trans. My body got in the way of swimming because I was uncomfortable, and then it started feeling impossible once I started hormones and was passing as male in every other space. I missed it horribly. I didn’t go near a pool for about five years.

This year I got top surgery and on holiday with my family was given the opportunity to go swimming in a water park. I was very reluctant to go - I thought I would stand out horribly, not just because of my scars but because of the shape of my body. I was feeling very down about it, but my family were so lovely and supportive, that I decided to take the plunge and just go for it - worst comes to worst they could throw down with whoever gives me trouble 🤷‍♂️. Needless to say absolutely nothing happened and nobody even really gave me a second glance.

The weird thing is that wasn’t my main takeaway from the experience - I know from practice that people generally tend to mind their business, and that you really aren’t the centre of attention most of the time, even when you think you might be. My main learning experience was about the sheer fucking variety of human bodies, and specifically men’s bodies. I saw very skinny men, fat men, men with narrow shoulders, wide hips, all sorts of scars. Men covered head to toe in body hair, and men with no body hair at all. Some of them wore rash vests and long shorts in the pool, some wore speedos. Acne. Amputees. Bad and good tattoos. Old bodies and young ones. All of it. I saw cis bodies built like mine - something I would have never expected!! And different ones too.

I think for obvious reasons trans people steer clear of swimming pools and beaches, but swimming pools and beaches are also places that you can really see what human bodies look like in all their variety. In my five years away from swimming I kind of forgot that. If you’re not regularly seeing a parade of half naked men milling about in public it can be easy to forget on an emotional level that most men aren’t sculpted, perfectly proportioned, hypermasculine, Adonis types. Even if you know it’s not the case, seeing a bunch of very average looking men flopping about inelegantly on a water slide kind of hammers the point home in a way you can’t really forget.

This isn’t a call to action to Go Swimming at all - I know I wouldn’t have been comfortable to go in a pool until after my top surgery. But even if you’re never planning on going near a swimmable body of water for the rest of your life, I can’t stress how important it is to actually find ways to look at a variety of male bodies, especially in an age where we get bombarded with content full of completely unrealistic male beauty standards. I think It’s often hollow reassurance to hear “cis men have wide hips too!” or “cis men have narrow shoulders!” If you haven’t actually seen it. So if you can go and have a look at a beach with people swimming or something, maybe go and do it. It’s been revolutionary for me. And if you’ve been thinking about getting back in the water and you’re worried about your body, take this as a sign to maybe take the plunge - you might get more out of it than you think.