Struggle in aftermath

My mom passed away last month, the day after my 27th birthday. She was my first and best friend. I've been living with her and my father, and my two daughters for about 5 years now, and for the last three I have been providing full time medical care for her. We were in the process of getting her on the transplant list, liver cirrhosis caused by genetic disorder caught late, when things took a hard turn. She had to start dialysis because her kidney functions were dropping due to the liver issues, and we were told the only thing thay would help them is the liver transplant. She spent most of April in the hospital after a major infection took her leg because of all the water retention, and right before May, she was told she was in stage 4 kidney failure. I think that was when she caved.

My mother came home on the 1st of May. I turned our livingroom into a nursing room, and fed her by hand everyday as the hospice medication did what it could. I never want to administer morphine again. Day in and day out, i stayed by her side. I spent the 4th talking to her about all the amazing birthdays she had given me. I was in the room and sang myself happy birthday the way she always did. She stayed the whole day, and passed sometime around 5am.

I'm stuck. I'm crumbling under everything that needs to be done. My father, bless him, isn't helpful at all, and my two Aunties, my mithers best friends, are trying thwir best to help me, but they keep asking me questions, and I dont have any answers. I can barely think straight. It takes every drop of will i have to just get up in the mornings. I'm a wreck, and i have literally no where i feel like i can express it, so I'm here.

I just want my momma. I want to curl up with her in her room and watch sunset out the window, or swing on the porch listening to the rain. I wanna sing goofy songs that make me feel tiny again. I wanna here her say I love you one more time. She should still be here, and I hate that I have to wake up in a world without her. I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I want to wake up again.

If for some god forsake reason someone actually knows my user here as me, please do not ask me about this post. Pretend you never saw it, and just be normal to me. Please. Everyone keeps walking on eggshells and its driving me insane.