Lost many family members.

5 years ago I lost my mom to stage 4 cancer, it was very traumatic as she had it for years and seeing her from happy and healthy at one point then seeing her sadness and health deteriorate broke me one she passed away in front of me but I promised to her I was going to be ok and held her hand as she passed. Since then my baby mini poodle who was very close to my mom passed away of a seizure attack, losing one of my cousins, losing a great friend of cancer to losing both my grandpa and great grandpa of age recently. I’m surprised I haven’t gone insane from this grief but I feel like my life is so hard I want to cry everyday and feeling this grief breaks me. Most of my family gone and I miss them so much. Sometimes I feel angry at god, I lost most of my faith when my mom passed as I trusted god to heal my mom but that never happened. Just venting sorry. I just hope one day to see my family again but right now I’m living a hell on earth.