the same girl who
the same girl who was 3 and was classified gifted via a public school exam results
the same girl who was 9 and hit herself with rulers when she got questions wrong because of her future
the same girl who was 10 staying up till 4 am every morning and getting 2 hours of sleep because she was studying for her future
the same girl who was 11 and cried for 5 hours a day over financial stress (despite my family is pretty well off) and her future
the same girl who was 12 and taking 16 weak melatonins every day because staying asleep was better than staying awake
the same girl who was 13 and crying over anything under 98%
the same girl who was 14 and killed herself mentally socially physically all for an honor society invite
the same girl who's 15 and posting this now after being told to "try harder and i'll stop feeling stressed" by her counselor
the same girl who doesn't know what she wants to do in her future
the same girl who stressed over a future she doesn't know she'll live long enough to enjoy.
edit: guys i posted this when i was really just overwhelmed and burnt out but just wanted to clear up some things
NONE of this is going on my college essay. what would it prove other than i was mentally ill at like 10?
for people commenting "?" sorry if this is unclear but its based on my mental response to dad telling me "what happened to you? you used to be so great" and i said "im still the same girl" (this was a week ago) and i spun it into a little metaphor on the stress young children are put under - why? idk i was overcome with a mix of strong emotions and thought i was being clever but posting about my dystopian habits was not a good idea
for the melatonin and sleep thing: my parents really do not care about sleep because as i've stated before, we are all night owls and this is normalized in my family
i have unlimited access to melatonin because of insomnia that runs in my family. they're very weak and it takes like 10 to feel something
i am very aware this is concerning and deranged. it's more like a self reflection and a pity party for younger me who endured all this stress
no therapy yet but i am in school counseling often