need help coping with whatever is wrong with my gut

So I was diagnosed with ibs when i was 14 and still in school. Before this I was one of those gifted kids who excelled in every subject and was “a pleasure to have in the classroom”. I remember going back to school and on my first or second day I had an awful unusual feeling in my stomach, like it was moving, i wasn’t sure at the time because it was new. It went on all day alongside tummy growling. All i knew then was that it was embarrassing. It started happening every day. Bloating, noises, needing to fart all the time, constipation, diarrhea. I started to come to school early so I could go to the toilet and try my best to get what I could out before meeting my friends so they didn’t know how long i was spending in the toilet (usually around 30 mins every morning).

This went on for two years in school until i was 16 and was able to leave. I had always planned to go on in school and go to university but i’ll be honest my stomach issues ruined that for me. I saw the doctor, he said it was ibs, gave me some Fybogel which did nothing for my problem, so I eventually gave up on that. I then ended up going to college which i also dropped out of due to my stomach issues too. Then the same thing again for 3 more courses i picked up and dropped. I couldn’t sit in a classroom. The embarrassment of my constant stomach noises was killing me. I tried changing diets, exercising, drinking more water, nothing worked. So at 18 I dropped out for good and went full time at my fast food job. I still had symptoms but it was ok there because no one knew, it was fast paced and noisy. I worked there for 6 years. Last year i took a chance and changed to a retail job. I lasted a few months there and ended up leaving because of management. I got my first office job 2 months ago. I always said i couldnt do an office job because it would just be like school. Embarrassment. But I decided i’d go for it and hoped it’d be different now because i’m older. I hoped my symptoms wouldn’t be as bad anymore. I knew i still had them i just didn’t think about them much because i didn’t have to in noisy jobs.

But now I do. All day every day. My routine is going into work and straight to the toilet to have diarrhea first thing, then to the desk to have a full day of bad stomach noises. I’m so embarrassed and it’s ruining my mental health. I am so anxious all day in work. I am constantly on edge and trying my best to sit certain ways and plan ahead with how long i can sit still before moving or going to the toilet again to cover up the noises. Sometimes i don’t have to go to the toilet too often in a day, it’s just the noises, but sometimes i can be having diarrhea 4-5 times in a working day. Changing diet does nothing. Eating less or more does nothing.

I went to my doctor last week and explained this and she prescribed me with some peppermint oil capsules that I have to take 3 times a day. I haven’t really noticed much difference so far. I also tried some peppermint tea which i didn’t notice doing anything either.

I feel like I’m lost. I feel so defeated. Every day I contemplate leaving my job but it’s a great work-life balance which i’ve never had from working in my previous jobs. I don’t know what else to do and it amongst other things in my personal life right now is really getting a huge hold on me and I’m feeling so, so down and depressed.

I know my anxiety does not help my ibs at all but it’s so hard not to be anxious. I’m starting to wonder if it’s more than ibs. If it could be a condition i’ve not even considered before because i cannot figure out any triggers. My symptoms just seem to be completely random. I get constant bloating, i alternate between constipation and diarrhea, i get stomach cramps, trapped and excessive gas, indigestion, constant stomach noises… then anxiety to top it all off. But i’m not fully sure if the ibs is caused by the anxiety or if i’m anxious just because of the ibs, but what i do know is that it is a constant, 24/7 occurence for me. I never catch a break from it.

Has anyone else experienced it like this? I feel like I’m the only one in the world sometimes.