It's a common sentiment that parents 'did their best' as a reason to overlook their shortcomings, but I can't help feeling differently.

When I look back at my own life and the life I live still, I really don't think I did my best. If this can be true for me, then it can surely be true for them? There is so much room for bravery and kindness in my life that I just don't do. I didn't do my best to make my relationship with my parents better, most of the time I just opted out, mostly too scared to reveal my true self or my insecurities. Of course I have my own set of justifications for why this is so, but the truth is almost none of them could not have been overcome one way or another.

I just cannot bring myself to believe I am truly doing my best, and that extends to my parents, and the resentment I hold for myself in that regard also applies to them. Their approach to faimly always seemed incredibly low effort to me, so often taking the easy way out. Sweeping long term serious issues under the rug and viewing their shortcomings as carved in stone, whilst expecting others to change.

Why should it be assumed anyone is doing their best? It might seem like an encouraging idea, but for those who are down in the dumps, it's really just depressing. If I have done my best up until now, what can I do but blame others for my lifes failings and curse the heavens for making my best not good enough? I feel this sort of mindset is just as much a cause of my parents dysfunctions as it is an excuse for them. It might take a certain amount of bravery to admit you haven't done your best, and then look forward at what doing so might actually look like.