I pray five times a day and I hate it.

I have felt this way for years. I never miss a prayer- and even pray all sunnahs and tahajjud- but my blood boils everytime.

I have a fear of going out due to the need of finding places to pray. Quiet places to pray are often dirty. I’m often praying on a napkin by some trashcan in the freezing cold on the streets of NYC because that’s the only place without people walking. I’m scared of being attacked while I pray- weird things have happened before. Because of the winter, prayers are back-to-back. I leave restaurants in the middle of eating. I have to leave during surgeries at work so I don’t miss prayer. I have to run off during patient rounds so I don’t miss fajr. Even when I’m at home, I have to disturb whatever I’m doing (including sleep) just to pray. It’s nauseating. Just the act of sitting and standing repeatedly makes me lightheaded. Isha with all the extra prayers takes forever.

I need help on how to love my prayer. I don’t want to hate Taraweeh now that Ramadan is coming. Please, help me. Jazakallah khair.

Edit: Thank you guys so, so much. You have no idea. I will be implementing these changes to improve my relationship with Salah. May Allah swt reward you all.