I really don’t get *any* vices? Dang.

Day 27 here. I’m feeling very secure in my quitting, but I’ve also been feeling sad lately that I don’t get to have any vices.

I quit nicotine 404 days ago, weed 27 days ago, and alcohol 6 days ago. While weed was my most insidious addiction, they all had to go.

Now when I get home from work I feel like I deserve SOMETHING to release artificial happy chemicals in my brain. But I deny myself that pleasure every night.

I always get cravings and then go through the checklist: Weed? Nope, I quit that. Alcohol? Nope, I quit that too. Hard drugs? Nope, I don’t do those. Nicotine? Nope, quit last year. Dang, this is no fun!

It feels strange, as I’m so accustomed to using substances to feel artificially happy. The nights feel bland now, devoid of the dopamine boosts I used to give myself.

It’s worth it though. I have conviction that this needs to be my new normal, and I know it will get easier. Just airing out some of my grief of no longer poisoning my body and mind to feel “happy”.

How can I end on a positive note? We are not meant to bombard our brains with substances every day in order to feel happy. It’s not natural, and when I do it I can’t keep my head on straight. Since being sober, the clarity, confidence, and agency I have gained are well worth the small discomforts of quitting.

Peace and love to this community.