one day

i hope that one day you can truly forgive me. that the voices in your head telling you i never loved or cared about you are instead replaced with the truth that i always did and that i always will. that you know that im sorry for all of it. that you know im aware all of it was my fault. i hope that you’re able to see i had nothing but good intentions and that im in the process of doing my best to heal from the things i should have long ago. that i only ever wanted you despite how i acted. i hope you’re able to see that i made many mistakes and that’s what they were. mistakes. nothing intentional. nothing you did was wrong, i failed to do what i’ve always needed to heal. maybe one day you can see that im not the same person and the steps that i’ve taken to better myself (not only for me but for you) have caused significant change. that i never faulted you for the things that you said. that you know i will always be here. i never wanted to lose you. i never wanted a life without you. i don’t see myself ever being as happy as i was with you. i never loved anyone, the way that i do you. i hope you find healing from the hurt that i caused. that you’re able to heal from other wounds that crept up during this whole situation. i wish i could be there right next to you. holding you through it all and telling you that it’ll be okay. that we can get through all of this. there’s a lot of things i didn’t see but i see them now and all i want is to give this part of me to you. but healing needs time and i understand that. i just want you to know that i love you. i’m here. and that i will be ready.