Will life ever be livable again? (Diagnosed in my 20s)

Hi all. I am 27 M, I was diagnosed at 25 and relapsed after 6 months of remission. I did chemo only. When I was diagnosed I would describe that time as the most stressful yet promising time. The prior months before diagnosis were the most stressed I’d ever been that I actually believe it contributed to my diagnosis but I also felt the best I’ve ever been. I was finally living on my own & was finally living the freedom I did not have in my early 20s (I had really strict parents & had to live with them while I was in college) Most days I accept & understand my situation but there are also a lot of days where I feel like I was robbed out of my 20s.

I relapsed earlier this year in February and have been on AZA/VEN treatment since then. I’ve been waiting for a donor all summer, since June (when I went into remission). I got word they finally found one last month in August. I am scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant in 4 weeks and the wait has brought up a lot of feelings of overall irritation with my situation and fear of another unknown territory (BMT).

Some days it’s so still all I could think about is having my life back. But I’ve also been wondering that when I do get it back, will it ever feel “livable” again? With the fear of the possible side effects, the fear of another relapse looming over me? Is it possible to chase your dreams again with this condition that has followed me like a shadow these past 2 years? A lot of people have told me I’m lucky I “got it young” but they don’t really understand the constant anxiety I now deal with, on top of the general anxiety people in their 20s feel.

I feel like I barely got a start in life, then I was diagnosed, and now have to start all the way from scratch. I was wondering if there are others who were in similar situation as me - diagnosed in their 20s and now surviving and thriving years later

I could really use some positivity 😢