So I deactivated Facebook

I've known my LO for 20 years. He wasn't always my LO but he became one when I have been going through some tough times lately. We have been Facebook friends for years and years with little to no interactions besides the occasional likes on eachother Facebook posts.

It started with a few likes, I would change my profile pic and he would like it and he would post a funny meme so I would like that. I started browsing his page to see what he was up to, and that's where it escalated.

Here's the thing. I have a boyfriend and we have been together for 10 years. Our relationship is far from perfect, but we love eachother. I feel like I'm cheating on him even though LO and I do not speak to eachother. I often fantasized about LO when I'm alone. I tried to just ignore his posts. It was pretty hard but I went a couple of days without reacting to his posts and in turn he stopped reacting to mine.

Right before I quit FB , he posted something funny and without thinking I liked it. Then he almost immediately liked my most recent post. It was like he was waiting for me to react to something of his so he can react to something of mine. The wave of euphoria hit me like a ton of bricks. He has no idea how twisted he has me.

So here I am now, looking through Fb Messenger at old conversations we had 15 years ago wishing I can go back to FB and see his page again. I need someone to tell me that I'm delulu and this feeling is going to go away.