Starting to hate myself after meals

Edit: thank you to everyone who commented. I realise I am falling into a pretty dangerous thought pattern. It’s hard to transition from being obese to making healthy choices and easy to overcorrect. I understand it won’t happen overnight, it’s a long journey, and I am only a quarter into it. My intention is to see this journey through, so I will seek help. Thank you again everyone.

I jogged 5k today for the first time ever. I thought I would treat myself to some pho and shrimp rice wrap rolls while it rained and be kind to myself or whatever.

But as soon as I ordered it, I was hit with a wave of self hatred. It feels like such a huge waste of money and calories. I burned around 500 and ate 600. I am so stupid, I wanted to slap myself in the face. The food didn’t even taste good.

I have started to get this almost after every meal lately for the past week or so. I can’t not eat because I have a pretty demanding workload. If I don’t do well in this job, I will lose all purpose in life. It means everything to me.

I feel like I am drowning in this hideous body that won’t work without food but I regret it every time I eat.