any advice or encouraging words for me?

I’ve always dreamed of my dream body, although I don’t think this motivation is the most sustainable according to what I learned from fitness instructors and the internet. So I tried to change my mindset and come up with alot of reasons to lose weight. At some point I was consistent and giving my all and then I’ll end up questioning myself if I still want this because it’s really hard and I can’t see any progress in my body. I thought when I gain weight, it’ll be easy to get back to my previous weight. I was wrong. I used to be consistently 50kg. Before I wanted to be lower than 50kg. I got a couple of 48 and 49. But covid happens and I had alot of stress in school and spent most days sitting. When I turned 52 I was devastated. I tried home workouts. I was able to keep up but I was harsh on my self, saying that I can’t see the progress in the mirror. Then I reached 55kg. I just want to give up because I knew that my effort is not enough. Then there was family issues and health issues, before I knew it I’m 60kg. I tried going to gym and tried eating healthy but I always give up. Everything happened gradually, from when I’m 20 to 23. Just to add, I’m 5” foot tall; just a typical asian woman. I would like to get advice for someone inconsistent like me. I really just want to find a process that fits me and something I find fun. Seeing that I gained 10kg is really discouraging for me. I tried to think different of my body (for the good) and bought clothes that fit me and my style, but I’m afraid that I’ll be complacent and never attempt to lose weight or exercise again.