I feel like total shit and just lost...

I feel so lost like I just dont know what to do. I went to drop of my little sister at her school 20 minutes ago and I just felt so weak, exhausted, disgusting.

I walked for a total of 10 minutes and felt like just rolling over and just laying down in the grass and just cry. I remember when I was around 200 pounds telling myself this is about as much as ill go and i'm done being lazy/unmotivated and going to pick up my life. That was 3 years ago... Now i'm almost 300 and i cant even fucking walk without my lower back just feeling like its being yanked into the fucking ground. IM SO FUCKING SICK OF MY LIFE! I WANT TO CHANGE TO FUCKING BAD. but I just can't...i'm so weak. Just this morning while I was making breakfast I felt so disgusted just shoveling food into my mouth till I felt throwing up. I was aware of what I was doing but I still couldn't stop myself. There's no way to describe the feeling you get when you know you're just killing yourself and you just can't stop even though you're aware of what you're doing.

I feel so pathetic sitting here at my computer typing this post while crying and feeling sorry for myself. It's just so fucked.

EDIT: I realize this might be the wrong place to post something like this but I just don't know where else to post how I'm feeling right now. Sorry.