Alone in CNY

i left my family due to their toxic bs since last year and i keep seeing people on social media posting their chinese new year celebrations, it makes me feel like sht coz while ppl r drinking n gambling i am alone in my room watching youtube or staring at nothing. i feel so damn lonely i cried honestly, chinese new year is such a strong reminder of lacking a family. eventhough i know in malaysia it is rare to find chinese who are alone in CNY i really hope i am not alone in this. unlucky to have a bad family but i know if i go back i am not happy anyways, it is a lose lose.