I 33m feel like I'm being emotionally abused, but of course I'm being told by my wife 34f that this is the opposite. Can anyone help me feel like I'm not insane?

Today my wife has demonstrated that she is incapable of self reflection and that no matter what I do, I'm helpless to limit her illogical ways.

I've had 3 courses of bullsh** today.

Breakfast:

Whilst playing with our daughter 12m I told my wife that I appreciated her loading the dishwasher. Her response was, "I've loaded it every day this week" and when pushed (because I was getting coldness from her) she said, thanking her was like a slap in the face because I made her life more difficult by not putting things away. She couldn't understand my point, and completely dismissed me when I expressed that she too leaves things around.

"I'm always the one at fault, I'm always to blame" she keeps repeating, dismissing the facts that I don't use blame or fault language and that by preemptively saying this, she's both framed me as a monster and inhibited her from assuming actual responsibility or accountability for her actions.

We finished that first argument with me saying, "why do you always speak in blames and faults, why can't we both just prioritise our family and move on." This somehow implied her being to blame and the tenaion continued.

Afternoon bullsh**:

I had a work call and found out that a client has revised some work, and that a virtual set of meetings will now be face to face. The location is a grey city in England with poor plane and train connections (far from a luxury resort)

I told her then news and she was immediately off with me, I presumed because she was thinking about managing our 1 year old by herself for a couple of days a month and resenting me for working, again.

I asked her hours later what she thought about the news because again she was being off and acting all hard done by and cold. She said, "I just struggle to believe that the client would have changed it. I think you just want to go there once a month" implying first and foremost that I was both lying about my disappointment with the change, and also about circumstances of the work.

I expressed that it was hurtful and I that I realised that we really aren't at team, instead of being supportive she made me feel worse for making a living and providing for our family. (She won't be working for the next 12 months) In that breath, I expressed that was behaviour more of an enemy than an ally.

Before Bed:

She breastfed out daughter and I was tasked with getting her to sleep as my wife finds it too much work. I got out daughter to sleep and my wife came in, and her phone lit up. I said quietly, "Jesus". She replied, "well I didn't do it on purpose did i!"

I told her that I didn't say anything about intent, and that I'm tired of this. She replied "me too". I said to her, she really needs to reflect on what's happening here. She responded, "I thought you don't do faults and blame"

I replied, "this is you. And you gaslight me every time you accuse me of trying to blame you or make something your fault. Just because logic and sense point to your behaviour not being helpful, it doesn't mean you're being blamed or gaslit (which she accused me of often) if she ever was to change her perspective on something because of me, she'd know she had been the victim of gaslighting.

Honestly, what the F*** do I even do with this?

tl;dr

I feel like I'm being emotionally abused, with my feelings and thoughts being gaslit, minimises and invalidated away. It happens often, here are examples from one day. Advice needed.