Wife’s deteriorating mental health due to child diagnosis

After a rough 3 years of failed pregnancy attempts, we finally gave birth to our beautiful baby girl this year.

We were so excited and didn’t mind staying in the NICU when she came early. We had already both received pre conception genetic testing, but our doctor recommended we get her tested with something more thorough after a few incidents in the NICU. The findings were devastating - she tested positive for a very rare condition with risks of low life expectancy, moderate to severe mental delay, and physical delays. It was a de novo mutation, son of something that was passed down from either of us.

We were understandably shattered. Fast forward 6 months. Our child is doing pretty well considering the diagnosis. She will have a couple of lifelong challenges, but no evidence yet of major impairments or anything life threatening. My wife has become progressively worse each month. She is seeing 2 therapists and has been prescribed medication, but nothing has presented any progress. I’m fine being supportive and patiently waiting for her current therapy to help her work through, but the situation has become severe and I no longer see that as an option.

She is now saying the following things(all quotes from her perspective): - You two would be better off without me - My love for this baby is conditional, if she isn’t a normal baby I don’t think I can do it - Having a baby is the biggest mistake of my life - Our lives are over - it’s too much, I can’t take it - I think I just need to leave(won’t give detail on where, concerned she is referring to self harm)

All of these things are accompanied by excessive crying and wailing. I’ve called to try to get us into couples grief counseling. I’ve even offered to take her somewhere for a weekend for intensive therapy. I don’t know what else I can try.

I love my wife and I’m so worried about her. This situation has obviously been traumatic for us, but our child has shown positive signs since the diagnosis and I worry that my wife has become completely blind that progress in her grief.