It's hard but can I really complain?

ok, so I lost my childhood puppy on Monday and it's been hard, I've tried to cheer myself up by forcing myself to go out with my friends but it always just ends with me thinking of my baby the whole time. if you can't tell, this is my first time losing a pet and I don't know what to do. My school offers a free therapist but it takes months to get an appointment. I have midterms that I need to study for but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Last week I crashed out and went on a walk at 11-2 am and I know I shouldn't have done that but I just want to run away and scream and cry. I have also been dealing with myself even before my pup died y'know just the mind going crazy and I do want to talk to someone and get the help I so desperately need I mean, I'm a psych major, I know when I need help. Anyway, speaking of school, I'm in my first year on the quarter system and finding it hard to deal with the fast pace of it all. If I didn't have my friend "Mary" with me then I don't think I would have gone to any classes last week, I'm finding it hard to even breathe.

It's also everything that's going on in the world, it's all been very overwhelming and I just don't know what to do. I feel useless and I feel so stupid. Why should I feel sad and useless, I should be grateful that my family isn't being split up like others and that I don't really have to worry about anything. It's hard for me to memorize things so when Mary tries to help me study and it doesn't stick in my head then I feel like I'm not worthy to be her friend (she's a straight-A student btw who took a bunch of AP classes). I just don't think that I really have a purpose in life I know every 19-year-old goes through this but I didn't think that it would get to me this bad. I feel like I'm stuck in my miserable state of 2020 and I just want to curl up in my bed and never speak to anyone.

Anyway, this might've been a big mistake but thanks to anyone who listened to me. I'm probably gonna go eat takis and try to distract myself and maybe attempt to study for my midterm tomorrow (no I'm not LMAO) ok byeeee <3 <3 <3 :)