Help, what’s wrong with me?

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression for about a year now but I’m scared there’s more to it. I started Prozac months ago but I’ve convinced myself not to take it and no matter how hard I try I can’t take a pill so I haven’t been taking it for three weeks. I’ve been okay, occasionally I’ll have a breakdown but they go away pretty far and my anxiety has sort of improved, the problem is I think there may be something else wrong w me, for example:

I see black shadows all the time but only in the corner of my eye and when I turn to look I can’t see anything, sometimes I can even see people and kids and dogs in the corner of my eyes but when I turn nothing is there, sometimes they even lunge at me.

I don’t necessarily hear voices but I can hear animals at times and human screams a lot. One of the worst things I’ve been doing is convincing myself that everyone hates me and I’ve even convinced myself my own uncle is trying to kill me, I slept with a knife under my pillow last night.

I have a horrible problem with biting my nails until they bleed and cutting off my toenails till it’s uncomfortable for me to walk, I also do this thing where I bet my life on things like if I don’t cross my two fingers and bite my tongue while a certain thing is happening or about to happen I’ll think I’m going to die or something bad will happen to me.

I can’t get out of my bed, from when I go to bed till 4pm I’ll be in bed till my boyfriend gets home, I make huge messes and feel so much guilt because of them but I can’t clean it up. I have no motivation to get a job or to go out I just want to stay inside for ever in my bed.

And for some reason at times I want to be sad and I want to be fucked up, it’s like I convince myself that wanting to die is the best way to be. AH IDK

Idk I’m scared idk where this is going but idk what’s wrong with me idek idkdidkdidkdksk