Bipolar II, ADHD, PTSD. My Fake Scenarios are destroying my Career

Hi, I'm 32 years old, and 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, ADHD, and PTSD. I am taking medication and going to therapy. I even took a leave of absence from work to see if things would improve because everything became too overwhelming for me to handle.

When I returned to work, I felt like things got worse. I changed teams once because I believed everyone hated me. I kept making up stories in my head, thinking everyone secretly disliked me and that I was being ignored. I convince myself that everyone secretly hates me, that I’m being judged, and that no one thinks I’m good enough. It’s like a never-ending loop in my head, and it’s exhausting. This made it extremely hard to get along with people and complete my work on time. I decided to switch teams to start fresh, but it's happening again. I can't stop creating these stories in my head. It's affecting my performance, and now I think I will get fired.

They removed me from the projects I was working on because I never finished them. They were never good enough, and I was terrified people would think I was incompetent if I delivered something that wasn’t perfect. As a result, I ended up taking forever. I can't take it anymore. I can't continue like this. I know it's me—this is a pattern! I know I'm difficult to work with, and I hate being the problem on the team. I can’t work with anyone because I always feel like they’re looking down on me, hate me, and secretly think I’m incompetent or don’t know what I’m talking about.

English is my second language, which also plays a huge role. I often feel like people are making fun of my accent, and I convince myself they don’t understand what I’m saying. I’ve even brought it up to my managers before. I have so many regrets because I feel like I’m burning bridges.

I wish I could just press a reset button and change everything. I hope it were easy to work with me. I feel so alone and isolated. It’s so weird and sad to think that it will always be like this.

The worst part? I know it’s happening, but I can’t seem to stop it.

Is anyone else going through the same thing?