trying to leave medsurg bedside and I feel guilt and shame????

bedside at this facility has kicked my ass for about 1.5 years now. there have been a number of piling reasons (patients, admin, night shift etc) that have been pushing me to leave. bedside was NEVER the end goal. so tell me why after applying to different nursing jobs today I started guilt and shame? why do I feel like it’s a cop out to find something “easier” THIS MAKES NO SENSE but im still having the feelings idk idk

edit: grammar