I miss my cat, so so bad…

My little princess, Saphira. I had her for 17 years, she was the light of my life. Loved cuddling near my face, I would kiss her good night and good morning every day. She also loved sleeping on top of me and she would come curl up on my legs whenever I sat down on my bed or my couch. Sometimes I would be trying to tie my shoes and she’d butt in… what I wouldn’t give to have that again right now…

She had a very aggressive tumor earlier this year and a couple weeks ago, we had to put her to sleep. As soon as the vet said it was best to do it, my mother scheduled for the next day. It was a somewhat busy day for me and I couldn’t enjoy it to the most with her.

I wish I asked for one more day. God, GOD what I wouldn’t give for one more day with her. Cancel everything even if it would harm me. I would cuddle with her the whole day. I would comb all her hair, she loved when I did that. I would give her so much love…

But at the same time, she was suffering on her last few days. It’s selfish of me. And I know no extra days would’ve been enough. Nothing would’ve prepared me to lose her.

I miss her so much. It hurts so much. Everything feels like a distraction from the pain of not having her around. I have the feeling of longing I used to have in long trips, where I couldn’t wait to get home and meet her again. But I won’t meet her again, ever. She’s gone. And it hurts.

I gave her a good life. I took care of her to the very last second. My shoulder blades still hurt a bit from feeding her through a tube repeatedly. She even liked the feeding time, I’d grab her food and a syringe and she’d come to sit on my lap, it was our little ritual. She was loved, cared for and happy. I don’t regret anything but not spending even more time with her. The house feels less beautiful, less colorful, less gentle, less everything without her around.

I don’t know how, when or if this pain will go away. Maybe the wound is too new and it’s normal. Maybe the wound will never heal. All I know is I miss her. I miss her and I’ll never forget her.