I’m tired of life.

I know I won’t get any responses to this and people will view it but not say anything, I’m used to it. I just need to get this off my chest. Dating in your early 30’s in a small with a child is tough. Especially when you live with your damn parents because you once had a house but had to file bankruptcy because of a nasty divorce. Now I can’t get a loan to save my life and drive around in a shitty car. How the hell am I supposed to build my credit up when I can’t get a loan or credit card. On top of all this shit, I have sever major depression and sever anxiety. Just lost a girlfriend who I knew was bad for me, but I tried to love her every damn way I possibly could. She has problems of her own and I was trying to be the healer. But she cheated on me and ghosted me after two years of giving my whole life to her, I still love and care about her, but not having any explanation or closure is tough for me. Now my depression has come back with full force after I’ve made good progress with it seeing a therapist for the last umpteen years. After my divorce 8 years ago my life went downhill. I attempted suicide, did some regrettable stupid stuff. And I was just slowly starting to bring it back within the last two and a half years. But now it’s back after she left me. I’ve contemplated suicide again because I hate this feeling of loneliness. I have abandonment issues, trust issues and I fear I’ll never be loved again. But my child is the only thing keeping me alive. I have no friends to talk to or hang out with, my phone never goes off with anyone wanting to talk to me or hang out. When I come home from work I lay in my bed and stare at the walls because I have nothing to do. I know most of you that read this, if you even read it, won’t care. I just had to get this off my chest.