Boyfriend is jerking off behind my back

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. While my boyfriend is in the bathroom, I know he’s jerking off. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we never have sex. It makes me feel like I’m not enough. We have sex MAYBE once or twice a month. I’ve vocalized dozens of times how I want to deepen our intimacy and try initiating sex. I’ve talked about how his porn usage makes me feel inadequate and we don’t have sex regularly. He won’t listen. Instead, he’s going to the bathroom before bed and jerking off. I found evidence to my suspicions tonight.

As a woman, I feel like shit. I feel like I’m not good enough for pleasure. I have a high libido with nowhere to take it. I’m sobbing myself to sleep every night knowing that I can’t even pleasure my own boyfriend. My worth feels tied to this. I worry that this relationship is in jeopardy because nothing is changing after years. It’s no longer fulfilling my needs.