It's hard to exist!!!

I’m a 32-year-old male. Before the COVID lockdown, my life was simple and peaceful. I wasn’t wealthy, but I lived without debts or financial stress. However, when the lockdown started, I became isolated due to work-from-home (WFH) conditions and boredom. To pass the time, I began playing online poker for fun. Unfortunately, this habit turned into a nightmare.

Initially, I lost only a few thousand rupees, but I started chasing my losses and became a compulsive gambling addict. This led me to take loans, max out credit cards, and borrow money from friends and family at high-interest rates. I was losing more money and became restless, unable to imagine repaying all my debts through a regular 9-to-5 job.

In just 17 months, I lost everything I had saved between the ages of 21 and 27. Worse, I accumulated over 35 lakhs in debt, which grew further due to heavy interest. Finally, I confessed to my parents and family about the terrible mistake I had made. They stood by me and sold their house and jewelry to clear 60% of my debts.

At the time, I didn’t fully realize the damage I’d caused to myself and those around me. But as time went on, I fell into severe depression. I was fired from two jobs because I couldn’t focus, and our family’s financial situation worsened after moving to a rented house. There were times when we couldn’t even afford basic needs like rent or groceries.

I’ve felt so ashamed of being alive, knowing I’ve caused so much pain to the people who supported me. Over the last four years, I’ve been unemployed for a total of 10 months. Still, I decided that if I couldn’t turn my life around for myself, I had to do it for my parents and family, who never gave up on me.

I have a commerce degree (BBM), but I chose the wrong profession early in my career without considering its growth or scope. Now, with financial commitments and family responsibilities, I can’t afford to take a break or switch professions. I earn around ₹50,000–₹54,000 a month, which goes entirely toward rent, groceries, and debt repayment. I’m left with no savings or money for personal needs.

I still owe 7–8 lakhs in debt, which will take at least two more years to clear. This has been my life for the last four years, and I’m exhausted from living an average, debt-ridden existence. I want to change my life but feel stuck. Please help me find a way out of this trap.