It's so deflating getting deferred

It's kind of a pain to get up there. I have to take the bus so getting up here and my pulse being high is super deflating. Last couple weeks it's been high but I can usually get it down. Today, I didn't have such luck even though it was close. It's just so depressing. To make matters worse, if I come back tomorrow, that throws my days off. It's just really depressing. 😐