Does anyone else have repressed hostility/toxicity that blurts out sometimes?? I’m stressed and idk what to do now…

Idk how to describe it but lately I've been extra stressed due to being trapped in an environment that triggers a lot of old trauma responses and emotional flashbacks.

I've been trying to find alternative ways to relieve stress besides smoking weed, so I decided to try out a boxing demo on my switch since I'm also trying to get back in shape.

My virtual instructor kept talking too much for my liking with unskippable dialogue, and you can't ever skip the stance tutorial so I have to sit through that every time before I can even start punching. So when I finally did get to I was already getting annoyed at this point.

(I know my attention span sucks but if you're gonna charge people $50 for the full version of the game then do better. 🙄)

Anyways, I'm very sensitive to any type of criticism even if it's constructive. I know it's childish but me getting offended by it is like a reflex, anger immediately bursts through me and I get upset like when I was younger even though I know no one's actually attacking me anymore. I also have a lot of authority related trauma from when I was 14.

So when my virtual instructor started telling me to improve my form and telling me obvious things I already know like I'm dumb (you can mute the instructor so they stop yapping 24/7 but you can't turn off their subtitles at the top of the screen), it's like I mentally regressed half my age and became an angsty 14 year old again in an instant.

I started cussing out my tv like

"FUCK YOU BITCH, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ME, STOP TELLING ME TO BREATHE AND HYDRATE AND USE MY UPPER BODY TO PUNCH, LIKE WHAT ELSE WOULD I DO THAT I'M NOT ALREADY DOING??? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT FORM, I'M NOT HERE TO TRAIN FOR AN ACTUAL MATCH. STOP NAGGING ME AND JUST LET ME PUNCH SHIT IN PEACE SO I DON'T PUNCH MY WALLS." etc.

By the time I was done ranting and the workout was over I felt like a worthless manchild for having such a visceral reaction over nothing. But I'm so used to people criticizing me for everything under the sun growing up that the rational adult bandaid got ripped off and exposed all of my pent up rage and toxic anti teacher/authority figure energy from that unresolved part of my life...

Are these types of mood swings a normal part of not being healed yet? I'm having a really hard time not feeling like I'm a shitty person for not being able to repress as well as I used to.

I think everything I've ever repressed and every instance where I've had to bite my tongue on certain things has finally reached a boiling point and sent me over the edge. I've had 3 other crash outs besides this in the past month and I'm fucking miserable. I just want to be normal for once. I don't want people to think that I'm really like this...