Finally got this text

***** Edited to add my response to the text even tho literally everyone told me not to.. 😅 one of my friends said about her dad "I knew if I didn't say anything, he'd still have control over my feelings even after he died" and that hit me pretty hard. I know I'm putting myself at risk here, but I had to do it. *******

Here's what I said back to her:

"For me to know that we could repair our relationship, I need to see you repair your relationship with -my sisters dad- and help repair his relationship with your daughter + my relationship with her as well.

I have a lot of questions, but I'll start with these..

What do you need to work on and how do you plan to work on it?

Why now?

I've been in therapy consistently for over 3 years trying to cope with my abandonment issues and learning to be okay without a mom. I've thought about you every single day since we last spoke. I've been mourning the loss of you. I had to finally get to the point of having no hope left that we could ever have a relationship again to keep me from constantly feeling sick about it.

I need to see accountability and complete honesty. I also need you to swear you'll never ask me for money or confide in me about your financial situation. 

This may not be the response you wanted or expected, but you have to understand that I've got nothing to lose - because I already lost it over 3 years ago. So I'm not going to beat around the bush and I'm not going to let my guard down. If you're on board, then let's get to work and fix this. "

No response yet. We'll see.

------- original:

I don't know what to do. I'd love some advice.

Unfortunately, I don't see my therapist for 3 weeks and she's in the middle of moving houses so I don't want to bother her. 😢

Anyway. I recently shared that my mom posted about my birthday on her FB page and tagged me even though we haven't spoken and she hasn't reached out in any way in over 3 years.

Well, last night I got this text from her:

"I've wanted to reach out for so long but I wanted to respect your peace and space. I've missed you and wanted you to know. I hope you had a great birthday and I'm not texting to impose, I just want you to know that I'm here to talk or to listen. I've missed you terribly and know I've got work to do on myself and relationships that are most important."

Some context I shared in the last post; we had a huge fight and stopped speaking the day she married a man I barely know.

She lied to me about my little sister's dad cheating on her. (been in my life since I was 14, I'm 31) so that I wouldn't talk to him.

She married the new guy only a year after leaving my sister's dad. (She admitted to me she was already talking to him before her relationship with my sisters dad ended.)

She's always in financial trouble.

By the looks of the small changes she keeps making to her FB profile, she and the husband may be splitting.

She texted my sister's dad a few days after she posted about my birthday and asked him for money.

She knows I make a lot of money.

I want to believe that she's ready to heal and make changes but a huge part of me thinks she is only reaching out because she's about to have no one and need financial help.

I just need others who know what this is like to give me some thoughts.

Am I stupid to consider responding? The first thing I'd tell her is that we can't repair our relationship unless she also repairs her relationship with my sisters dad, as well as the one between him and my sister. My mom's got her convinced that he's a terrible person and my sister treats him like shit.

I feel like that alone would send her packing honestly. Ok well anyway this post keeps getting longer and longer so I'll stop there.