So much grief realizing I was raised by a psychopath

I’ve recently been realizing more and more how severely psychopathic and narcissistic my father has been my whole life. I’m so grieved, it hurts so badly to look back and realize ALL THIS TIME I have been suffering so badly and so needlessly. I see my life in a whole new light, which I guess is good to FINALLY make sense of the chaos, but it just hurts so badly. It hurts so badly to realize that when I was a child, my father was nothing like a father to me but instead a psychopath and narcissist, but I had no way of knowing and no vocabulary to express the anguish he caused me, so I just stayed silent. I’ve also been dealing with severe medical issues since I was 11 ys old so I was so consumed by my physical pain/other symptoms that I couldn’t even think through the way my dad (and mom) were treating me and attempt to stand up for myself. I’m 31 now and just this year I have come to realize my dad and mom are narcissists, and my dad is a psychopath and probably a lot of other things. It is insane to only become aware of it now. I’m so grief-stricken. My life never needed to be the way it has been, and could have been so much better if it weren’t for the horror of growing up under my dad and mom. I feel shattered.