Mom kicks out 22 year-old daughter because of a rumor
Alright, it is time I turn to Reddit for some advice.
This past Christmas, Nov-Jan 2020 to be exact, were some of the worst months of my life. At the same time, I can say something positive came from it all: I started a relationship with my Boyfriend in October 2020 right before all of this happened.
A little background, I have serious trauma from what has happened. Some good tags would be emotional abuse, psychological scars, PTSD, & gut wrenching guilt. My parents are divorced & have been since I was 12. I have always had a good relationship with my mom. I live at home with my mom, right next door to my boyfriend’s cousin, which he has been staying with for a while due to his own family situation. They both have been good family friends with us since we were very little, being lifelong neighbors. My Boyfriend is 21 & his cousin is 25 with two kids. I am 22.
My mom did not like the idea that I started getting close with the neighbor’s cousin. We had dated previously but split up because we were immature at the time (this was about 6-7. Years previous so you can imagine how young we were).
The first incident that happened was at night on a Thursday night in November I believe. I was outside hanging out in their garage with the two boys next door & we all were having fun. It was around 9:30 when my mom started flicking the lights to come inside. I eventually came inside & that is when she nailed me about “not telling her if I wanted dinner.” She got extremely angry & told me I was rude & inconsiderate for not letting her know if I wanted dinner or not. Instead of staying outside “all night long, I should have came inside to eat & tend to my responsibilities.” I knew my homework & my schedule & made the decision on my own to hang out with them for a bit. This incident was most likely pent up anger? She has gotten angry about “little” things like that before.
Next, the most escalating incident was me going out to ice cream with my boyfriend one night, After returning home around 10:35 pm, I went up to the door & turned my key into the deadbolt & it wouldn’t budge. I thought that it was dark & I had the wrong key or something, but I tried again, & nothing. I panicked & called my boyfriend 9who thankfully was right next door) & also my mother, who was right inside the house! She didn’t answer at first & when I called. Back a second time, she said “oh now you want to come in!!!!!????”
Mind you, to me, nothing happened & nothing would have been wrong for her to treat me like that. I didn’t & never do anything wrong to her. I respect her. I do not yell at her. I simply tell her when I’m going out & who I’m with & when I’ll be back.
The last & final, most traumatizing incident was when a few weeks later, I woke up on a Sunday morning, went to her to say Goodmorning as she was still sleeping, & said I’m going to breakfast with some friends & my Boyfriend. She said okay & i left. When I returned at 2:00 pm ish that afternoon, the door was locked again. My key would not work. I went out with my Boyfriend for the rest of the afternoon to kill time, as I suspected she wasn’t home. she was also not answering the phone. The night prior, I went on a date with my Boyfriend to a very lovely restaurant.
When we came back to my house. About 6 pm that night, I tried to knock on the door & call her multiple times. At this point, I am an emotional mess. For a long story short, she opened the door to tell me “you’re talking s*** about me!! You want to be two-faced, you leave & go somewhere else!!!” & when I kept trying to get inside and talk to her, even after that, she resorted to texting my father “you need to tell your daughter to sleep at your house tonight. She is not welcome here. Thank you.” Mind you, this went on until 9 pm & it was a Sunday evening. I had a final exam the next morning for my class at school & she would not let me inside to grab my laptop,books, iPad, notes, or anything.
I called my dad & he lives down the road luckily. I stayed at his house for the next 2 months.
Traumatized, confused, & dealing with the silent treatment from my mother, i tried my best to be happy. My Boyfriend was there for me the whole time luckily. Later, I found out my mom wasn’t feeding my pets while I was not at home. She eventually started letting me come over to feed them but I could tell they were very weak & I felt horribly guilty & saddened. Later, I found out she tied rope around the front door, preventing the deadbolt from turning.
The time at my father’s house didnt end well either & I am also deeply traumatized by this as well. He hangs around a lot of weird friends & people, so naturally, we al ended up contracting COVID-19 after Christmas , of course while I was living with him. We all healed & are fine now. Also, at some point after Christmas, closer to New Years, my father was very drunk one day & acted like a wild animal. He went through my boyfriend’s Mustang because it was unlocked, & thought it would be funny to take something important out of his back seat, walk inside to where we were sitting, & throw it at us. He was extremely disrespectful towards my boyfriend & was never really respectful towards him anyways. At some point, my father went to sleep & him & i decided to go up to his house in Jacksonville for the weekend to see some of his friends & take me to the city. When we got up to Jacksonville, my father calls me 3-4 times. The first few times everything is fine, but he is acting quite intrusive, asking us where we were & what are we doing (this is finally after he woke up from his hangover nap). My Boyfriend & I were at a Publix in Jacksonville, getting some groceries to cook dinner that night.
By the time we get back to my Boyfriend’s house, my father texts me out of no where demanding my location be turned on my iPhone. Confused & slightly concerned now, I asked why? What is wrong? Is there something wrong? My father wouldn’t give me an answer & his texts started to get more heated. I have been traumatized in the past by him yelling at me so when he called me again, I did not answer it. I just kept texting. At some point i stopped to take a breath, & he ended up calling my Boyfriend. He answered & tried talking to my father. He was enraged & furious. Probably still drunk & talking to my Boyfriend never helps, since he obviously doesn’t like my Boyfriend or respect him. After a while they got into an argument & my dad threatened him & told him to bring me back to his house or else he is coming to get me (I am 22). My dad tried to tell me terrible things about my Boyfriend & how much he doesnt like him. I even got on the phone with my dad’s Girlfriend to try to talk to her instead of my angry father. I kept asking her why, what is the problem, & things of that nature, & even she couldn’t tell me anything except “you just need to come back here right now.”
Painfully, I told my Boyfriend I can’t stay here & he brought me back to my dad’s house. At this point is is 1 a.m. & when I walk in the door, my Boyfriend isn’t welcomed inside. He tries to help me with my bags but they take them & say to leave. My Boyfriend stays in the area, worried about me, knowing how terribly traumatized i was at this point. He knows both my parents kind of emotional abuse & games. Everyone (my dad, his Girlfriend , & all of his loser friends) are up on the couch watching tv when i walk in. They barely said two words to me. Saddened, angry, & confused, i turn to them & say “well, I am going upstairs to take a shower,” & walked upstairs. That was the end of the evening & my Boyfriend stayed at his cousins house, next to my moms down the road, because it was closer to me.
At some point, me getting sick with COVID brought the “love & care” out of my mom & she started coming around again. I moved back over to her house eventually & with barely anything said between us. I ended up telling her one night in a conversation at her house, with tears in my eyes, “mom, that wasn’t the right thing to do.” She was adamant about her points for justifying what she did. We later never confirmed nor denied the rumor that she heard from the source (by the way, it came from my boyfriend’s abusive mother that doesn’t even talk to my mom & hasn’t in years), & it boiled down to her believing a rumor over her own daughter, causing all the turmoil.
My mom is emotionally a child & very immature when it came to this mess. I will never forget the decisions she made that night & the things she has said to me over the months and even years. It haunts me daily & often times i suffer crying at night, struggling to get over this. It is now almost November 2021. On top of that, after everything with my dad, he decided to ignore me & also silent treatment me. My mom ended up changing the locks too & didn’t give me a new key for weeks. She also still hasn’t given me a new garage door opener remote, which she also had changed because the last opener “broke.”
At some point after all of this, my mother liked my Boyfriend & we all got along very well which helped, but doesn’t curve my chest pains, crying myself to sleep nights, & emotional PTSD. Still to this day, my partner & I deal with on and off problems, and major confrontations & disagreements about how to handle my mother & home life situation right now. I will always be confused by what happened & how “quickly” she just changed her mind. I wonder if she feels guilty for doing anything that she did?...
There is a long history on her side of the family of silent treatment, narcissism, & emotional abuse. Her parents & her did not speak for 12 years at one point & I can only imagine what number this did on my mother.
Please feel free to leave any thoughts, feedback, or comments on this post. I really could use the discussion. I have gut wrenching guilt & crippling emotions over all of this that happened.
Thank you for reading xo
stay happy, the world is cruel.