To gym goers

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but there are, in fact, other people at the gym! Did you know that? So here are some handy tips you might take note of, considering the existence of other people at the gym:

  1. HHHYYYYYEEEAAAGGAGHGHAHEEEAGGAGAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know what, man? Exercise is not THAT hard. I add weight all the time and push myself to failure all the time, and never have I felt like what I was experiencing was so extreme that I let out a scream suggesting that I either just laid eyes on the rotting corpse of some long-lost lover or that someone has set my body on fire while piercing my body with ten thousand knives and stepping on a large pile of legos. If this is really THAT hard for you that you're letting out screams like this with the simple act of lifting, maybe it's time to find another means of exercise that's more tailored towards your endurance level, like chair yoga, if lifting is really THIS difficult for you?
  2. Slamming down weights on top of the other weights with an ear-shattering PING that fills the gym is, you know, a bit of a dick move. We have ears, you know? Not to mention you are selling yourself short on your exercise by just letting the whole fucking weight go instead of setting it down gracefully, which fully completes your rep. You're not even good at exercise if you're pulling that shit.
  3. If someone is lifting on their bench and actively in the process of doing their lifting, giving them the space to do so is a good idea. Squeezing by their bench when they are actively pushing 100 lbs up in the air is, like, not a very good idea, unless you DID think it was a good idea to interrupt their flow and get 100 lbs dropped on you?

For those of you who DO recognize the existence of other people at the gym, another handy tip: there is not, in fact, an inverse correlation between being a hot female and knowing how to do an exercise. It turns out that women are just as capable of figuring out how to do exercises as men are, if not moreso, and her ability to figure it out really does not have any correlation with how hot she is. For real. So maybe just mind your own fucking business, yeah?

Thank you for coming to my rant talk.