Embarrassed to admit this.

I am deeply embarrassed to admit this. It feels beyond silly, but I have been procrastinating on seeing a doctor because I am afraid. I am worried I have cancer, or something just as bad. My periods are weird and spaced out by months, I have pain and I've been losing weight.

WHAT? Go to the doctor!

I know, I know. But I was assaulted years ago. It was not short, it was long and horrific. Going to the gynecologist and having someone touch me there is painful in a way I cannot properly describe. I feel shaken just thinking of going. I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm looking for advice, though. I think I just need to vent.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind replies! I am at work and won't be able to read or respond until late tonight but thank you all 💕

Second edit: I've made the appointment, it is in January