My Dad died today

He was 59 im only 19

Everything feels so bleak. I just started my fourth semester of college, I got a job working the lab it felt like I had a direction in life. I wasn’t even there. I get the text from my mom that he’s in the ambulance and then I get the call that’s he’s dead. My whole reality shattered and everyone is walking by me oblivious to it. I’m not mad at them obviously but it’s such a weird feeling knowing everyone is going about their day and you can’t even think you can’t even move it hurts.

My Dad was a complicated man, we fought a lot. A lot of the time I feel like he wanted me to be something that I’m not, he kept me in boy scouts as a child for way to long even though I hated it. He wanted me to learn about cars and work shopping which I couldn’t less about . Fuck but he just wanted me to be a better man than he was he believed in me in everything I did he was my biggest supporter.

My heart aches unfathomable for my mom and sister. My mom has lost Her Dad, Mom, and Husband that’s not fucking fair. I want to be there for here I just can’t believe it. My sister is only 12 a 12 year should not be fucking deal with their dad dying fuck fuck fuck.

I’m taking the first train back to my family I really don’t know how I’m going to handle college, how I’m going to handle my life. My Dad took on a huge financial burden for our family it just isn’t fair.

I wish this was all a dream but it isn’t it’s real