blocked my therapist & cut my arms today

I'm feeling distrust towards so many people in my life now and I'm worried about getting hurt. I'm worried that even my close friends have bad intentions and that my therapist has just been mocking me this whole time. She asked to see my SH once and when I showed her, she rolled her eyes and said "you are in so much pain" sarcastically

Even if she hasn't been, I don't want to waste her time anymore. I keep fucking up simple tasks she gives me and I know she's tired of it