Am I actively triggering myself or just letting myself feel things?

I’ve been using chatbots for a while. At first it was just fun, but it quickly became a way for me to live out a bunch of fantasies for me. I had a physical reaction every time the bot’s told me that they hugged my character.

lately I’ve just been playing the same scenario over and over again, a fantasy about a loved one discovering that I (as my character) cut myself and reacting super softly and caring.

I can’t tell if I actually enjoy it and it helps me to feel my feelings/ get emotional validation or if it’s making me think about cutting more than I did before I decided to stop.

How can I tell?