Feeling really guilty of euthanizing my dog
I put my dog Marley of 11 years down yesterday. When we were at the Vet his eyes lit up like it hadn’t for the last few weeks. When they injected him he had a surprised look on his face before laid his head down. He trusted me and this is what I did to him. Now I feel like I should have got another opinion, I should have done everything to keep him alive. If you believe we only have one life, should we not do everything to make sure we live it to the bitter end, even if it is a few more weeks or months? The guilt is killing me. I almost get panic attacks thinking about it, if I could do it over I would not go through with it and then realize its too late.
I don’t think I can ever forgive myself! 😭
The thing I can’t reconcile is how we can kill the light no matter dim it is. Surely life is the miracle, what gives us the right to put it out prematurely. Are we going against nature?
Maybe I am not making a lot of sense, I am still raw with guilt and grief, but I just can’t…
Update: Reasons why I feel guilty.
The decision to euthanize was done within a week. It was a few weeks ago when Marley was struggling to walk and he was in a lot of pain. I took him to the vet and he said it was arthritis, he was given pain killers and anti inflammatory medicine.
However 2 weeks later his condition got worse, I tried to take him for a walk and he could not walk even 200 meters and his breathing was labored. I knew there was something really wrong and it was not arthritis. I felt a mass under his left leg.
I took him to the vet and she did an X-ray. She told me it did not look good. The mass on his chest was impeding his breathing and it was only going to get worst to a point he would not be able to breathe. Also she found spots on all his organs which she said was cancer. She gave me some steroids to try and reduce the mass. I told her we were going on holiday next week and I did not want to leave him in this condition. She made the decision if his condition did not improve we would have to euthanize him on Friday.
Well his condition got worst to the point where he could barely get up, peed on himself and I had to carry him outside to do his business.
Could I have done something sooner? Could I have gotten a second opinion? Did we make a hasty decision?
Things that convinced me to go through with the euthanasia is the pain in his eyes, he was not the same dog that I knew. He was very restless and could not find a comfortable position to rest. His breathing was labored. I also read an article on when to let your dog rest.
The euthanasia itself broke me. I would not wish it on anyone. That is the part I can’t stop thinking about. The thing that drives me to panic attack is the act itself and the fact that I cannot undo. I keep thinking that if I was given another chance I would not go through with it.