Definitive explanation of cognitive functions

Hi guys! There seems to be some confusion about cognitive functions here on Reddit MBTI boards! Allow me to explain!

Se - Horny, Adrenaline junkie, Abusive. Se users are sex addicts who beat their spouses and children. They go skydiving and shit, too.

Si - Boring, Remembers everything. Si users are not interesting. They are NPCs. They also remember stuff. Elephants are Si doms because they never forget. Goldfish are Si blind and cannot form memories.

Ne - Annoying, ADHD. Ne is a series of non sequiturs. Remember the "I like turtles" kid? Definitely Ne. Ne is random and makes no sense. If you ask an Ne user "Where do you want to go for dinner?" they will answer with something like "Smash the hula monster! Fax machines eat bananas every Tuesday!"

Ni - Psychic powers, Special snowflake. Ni users can predict the future. They are special and powerful. They can move objects with their minds. Ni doms can explode your head with their minds by doing a "INXJ stare" at you.

Fe - Codependent, make everyone happy. Fe users live to serve. You know you are an Fe user if your life revolves around making sure other people are happy. You give, and you give, and you give. Fe users are said to be manipulative, but that is okay, it's for your own good. They just want you to be happy. Don't you want to be happy!

Fi - Individuality, Moralistic, Very special. Fi users, like Ni users, are special snowflakes. They can't explode your head, but they also cannot be influenced by others. They are very unique, and the world revolves around them. Unlike other types, Fi users know right from wrong.

Te - Makes things happen, Very effective. Te users are people who accomplish things. If you were ever a president or CEO, you were probably a Te user. If you are Te blind, you are a loser and will never achieve greatness. People who forget to take out the trash are Te blind failures.

Ti - Logical thinking, Always correct. If you have Ti, you are correct about things. You can spot a Ti user when you think "Wow, that guy was right all along!" Ti doms are not wrong ever because they think correctly. If you look at something complicated like a watch or a jet engine and immediately understand how it works, you are a Ti dom.Ti doms are basically Vulcans.

Hope that helps!