Sick and tired

Wasted my 2024 attempt...got 141 Raw couldn't clear and each day I hear my father say that she couldn't do it...now she will be of nowhere(since I didn't join the corporate job, am a 2024 btech passout) I am trying my best to cope with the situation but hearing these things makes me immensely demotivated...he feels government job is too difficult and that I am incapable of anything and am wasting time...The funny thing is he never directly talks any of it infront of me he tells this to my mom in a medium pitch so that I can hear it too...I am genuinely getting suicidal thoughts...He has always been so so mean to me since my childhood...hated me all my lifetime...I hate him so so much...But I really need to study hard to crack this attempt...but am so demotivated