Had to have an emotional talk with SD

My husband and I have 50/50 so the kids go back to their moms house Sunday evening, I usually don’t go to drop off because I work over night so I need a nap before I go to work

DH came back and told me that BM (Bio mom) asked how we discipline the kids if they don’t listen or something. He told her that we rarely ever have to but when it happens they go to their room with no electronics or toys. She said she’s tried that but SD4 will throw “Dr. Phil” temper tantrums and start screaming and throw an absolute fit if she doesn’t get what she wants. It apparently had gotten so bad that on two separate occasions SD4 told her mom that’s she wishes she wasn’t her mom and look sometimes we don’t all see eye to eye on things but I know for a fact that probably hurt her.

Since I work overnights I am the one that picks up the kids while everyone is at work and today after I brought them home I cleaned the house and did the kids laundry and then DH got home. I handed the kids their clothes to put away and after SD came back to me to see if there was anymore clothes I made her sit down on the floor in front of me and told her that we needed to talk.

I explained to her that we were informed about her behavior at her moms house and the nasty things she’s said to her mom, she immediately got sad but didn’t start crying to the point where she couldn’t breath (she has a lot of feelings sometimes) I told her that she is such a good girl with us and that we almost never have to get onto her when she’s with us and I asked her why is that? She told me she would stop being bad and that she would be good from now on and I proceeded to tell her that it wasn’t the point I was getting at.

I told her that it was such a nasty and mean thing to say to her mom that’s she should never tell her that she wishes she wasn’t her mom. I know this may have not been right but I asked her “what if you said that to your mom, and the next day you woke up she wasn’t your mom? It was some random lady you didn’t know?” The tear started rolling down her face and she told me she would be really sad.

I then asked her, god forbid yall are going to hate me

“What if your mom told you that she wishes you weren’t her daughter?”

I think that’s what really got her to realize because I asked if it hurt her heart thinking about it and she said yes.

“Then think about what your mom felt when you said that to her, you ought to know you hurt her heart don’t you think?”

She apologized and said she would never say it again and when we dropped the kids off she hugged her mom and told her she was sorry for saying nasty things

She’s such a good girl and she’s so smart, I know this sounds like a lot from a 4yr old but she’s really advanced for her age.

When I talked to SD I told her it was okay to have feelings and if she had big feelings she needs to let them be known, I told her to tell her mom and us any think she needed hugs, or cuddles and kisses. I told her to tell us if she feels alone or lonely. Use the words “I feel” and she seemed to Understand

Here is a little insight BM from what me and my husband see gives SS7 a lot more attention, he is a mommas boy and if given the choice he would stay at her house and never at ours because we have rules for screen time with him and she doesn’t.

SD told us and her mom that her brother always gets what he wants at their mom’s house and she never gets what she wants.

SD told her mom that SS gets more attention than her.

SD gets mad when BM turns hotspot on for SS phone and will throw a fit.

We always give SD a little extra love when she’s with us because we see the favoritism a little bit and I think she’s starting to see it too.