I just fuked up

I have been sober for 5 years now.

The old me used to drink and gamble money, money we didn't have, piss money away on alcohol.

I am away for work at the moment and it all just got so hard, I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Surrounded by bright lights, alcohol everywhere.

I went to the casino and lost $500 on black jack and roulette- stupid, stupid, stupid.

I didn't drink alcohol- but did have an zero alcohol beer.

I feel like such a fukin looser, the old me used to drink and gamble all the time and I put my family in such a bad financial position.

I just don't know what to do, I hate the old me- I fukin hate him and I don't want him to come back.

I haven't felt like this in years and I just don't know what to do.... Fuk what the fuck is wrong with me.

I am sorry for this rant, I just don't know what to do.

I feel like I have betrayed my wife and all the people on this sub.