I messed up

I made it a year and some change and I failed. I lost my job at the beginning of December and since then I have been in the worst place of mind that I have ever been. I failed and started drinking again, and not a casual drink as I lied to my friends but full on wine bottles and bacardi 5ths. I decided to quit the bacardi but I am still craving wine and honestly just the feeling of getting messed up. I wish I didn't do this and I feel like such an ass but I don't have anywhere else to vent. I'm such an idiot.