i need to vent please

i have this boyfriend. hes so perfect witb everything i could talk about him for hours. our entire relationship i could talk about my mental issues and wanting to kill myself and he would comfort me. the last few days I've been going through a mental break down, and i js couldn't tell him. it hurts him too much. we haven't called for a few days and we were supposed to FaceTime tonight, but hes going through something. before he even told me he "checked in with me" and i lied to him because i knew he wouldnt have told me about his stuff if i told the truth. i feel so guilty and selfish for feeling upset because i don't want to make him sad. i think I'm going to kill myself tomorrow and i can't tell him or ever let him know why because i don't want to hurt him. I'm such an awful person

edit: i js woke up after reading yalls comments i feel a little better. i thought sleep would help but i feel js a sick feeling in my stomach now. I'll update yall when i talk to him.

edit 2: he js woke up. i feel a lot better. I'm scared to talk to him and i dont know what to say. i don't want to hurt him.

edit 3: weve talked a lot today. i decided not to tell him as i felt better and wanted anything but to hurt him.

edit 4: i ended up telling him and i showed him the post. he left a comment to let everyone know i was safe