my boyfriend is dead

so uhm, my boyfriend is dead and i cant say anything to anyone because im in a non-lgbtq friendly (gay) region and ive had the worst start of the year, any tips on relieving grief and sadness?

Edit to give some clarification: I’m located in north iraq, kurdistan and my loving boyfriend was/is from pakistan. I put the / there because im pretty sure he’s either dead or jailed for smoking weed. His family who hate him likely handed him over, he got in regular big fights with them. I am fine and i’ve taken his.. well, dissapearance actually well. I just hope maybe i can find someone else again, I cant be closeted forever lol. oh, and everyone supporting me has no idea how much i appreciate their help and offers to talk (although most dms i rejected out of trust issues) and i wish upon them the best of maids.