After 8 years, this is what I’m left with
Today, he ended up blocking me on everything without another word.
I fought so hard to hold on, despite facing heartbreak after heartbreak over and over again from that same person. I don’t know why I stayed or why I did this to myself, but he was my first in everything. When things especially got bad, I couldn’t comprehend how someone that has known me since I was 14 and watched me grow into the young woman I am would be so cruel sometimes. I thought if I tried just hard enough, things would change.
Every time I did actually try to leave and move on, he would find a way to talk to me, pulling me back in just to repeat the same cycle. Every time I believed in him, I was proven wrong. Every. Single. Time.
Most recently, he told me outright that he didn’t love me enough and that I wasn’t worth trying for, really. Yet, I made the pathetic mistake of still engaging with him after the fact, with it leading us to sexting with each other. That was on me—I know it was stupid. I was ignored ever since, so I had to tell him to leave for my own sanity, since I’m not strong enough to leave on my own.
I got what I asked for. He’s gone now. But all I feel is sadness and exhaustion, as if the 8 years of stress, fighting, and hope were for absolutely nothing. I’m burnt out—emotionally drained from giving my all to someone who never truly cared about me. Part of me just wants to end it all.
Today, he ended up blocking me on everything without another word.
I fought so hard to hold on, despite facing heartbreak after heartbreak over and over again from that same person. I don’t know why I stayed or why I did this to myself, but he was my first in everything. When things especially got bad, I couldn’t comprehend how someone that has known me since I was 14 and watched me grow into the young woman I am would be so cruel sometimes. I thought if I tried just hard enough, things would change.
Every time I did actually try to leave and move on, he would find a way to talk to me, pulling me back in just to repeat the same cycle. Every time I believed in him, I was proven wrong. Every. Single. Time.
Most recently, he told me outright that he didn’t love me enough and that I wasn’t worth trying for, really. Yet, I made the pathetic mistake of still engaging with him after the fact, with it leading us to sexting with each other. That was on me—I know it was stupid. I was ignored ever since, so I had to tell him to leave for my own sanity, since I’m not strong enough to leave on my own.
I got what I asked for. He’s gone now. But all I feel is sadness and exhaustion, as if the 8 years of stress, fighting, and hope were for absolutely nothing. I’m burnt out—emotionally drained from giving my all to someone who never truly cared about me. Part of me just wants to end it all.