TIFU by shitting my pants in the metro
I'm just going to preface this post by saying one thing: please do NOT judge me. I already feel horrible enough but I thought I'd share this here so we can all have a good laugh (I need a good laugh too, I've been crying non-stop).
I'm not gonna go too deep into this story so I'll just get straight to the point.
I drank one whole bottle of soju yesterday AND today. On top of that, I was seriously lacking some fibre and hydration. What could go wrong, right? EVERYTHING went wrong.
When my boyfriend came to drop me off at the metro (not gonna mention which), I was already feeling a bit of funny gurgle in my tummy. I thought to myself "Meh, I'll shit at home. If it gets too much, I'll get off midway and use a public washroom."
As soon as I went up the escalator, the gurgle just increased more and more. In order to access the public washroom, I had to make an exit from the same station that I entered from. This is kinda logistically difficult as you have to maneuver your ass towards another direction altogether, so I decided to hold it in till the next station.
I must have waited for exactly 3 minutes when the most destructive gurgle kicked me in my ass. "Shit, shit, shit", I kept mumbling to myself, not aware that I was unknowingly beginning to manifest it. As I took out my phone to jokingly text my boyfriend that I need to poop really badly, it kicked me right in the gut.
I remembered reading somewhere that alcohol speeds up digestion and makes you poop like a cannon; I knew I had fucked up when images of yesterday and today flashed before my eyes.
Something needed to be done, so I made a run for the exit. I did not care if I was going the wrong way, I was going to get out of this, get to the nearest washroom, and poop my bowels out.
When there's poop stuck in your ass, I have realised, you shouldn't make so many movements. With every step I was taking, it was becoming even more difficult to keep this monster in.
Then, like a hailstorm, it happened.
I had pooped my pants.
And it. Just. Wouldn't. Stop.
I pride myself in having a tight ass but today, I got to know, it's as loose as the cap of a toddler's water bottle.
I made a run for the exit, while on call with my boyfriend, panicking and crying to him "I POOPED MY PANTS WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO???!??!??" as the whiff of my excretion traveled through the air, with people looking confused at this unfamiliar (yet familiar) smell emanating through.
When I finally reached the washroom, I immediately took off my pants, leaving a trail of poop on my thighs, and my legs. This just wouldn't stop. It just kept going on, and on.
Anyway, I won't tell you anymore about what happened after because I'm already feeling horrible for this experience.
But my gem of a boyfriend had to come back from meeting a friend and delivered an extra pair of pants to me.
I did shove my soiled panties in a plastic bag and discarded it in a trashcan.
When I came back to my boyfriend's place (I couldn't go home after this, I kept wanting to poop), the first thing I did was wash my soiled jeans.
Thank God my granny panties took most of the damage, because washing poop off of my jeans at the big age of 26 wasn't something I thought would happen to me.
So, I have only a few advices:
- Granny panties FTW!!!
- Please never consume alcohol back-to-back like a maniac.
- Force yourself to poop before you travel. And,
- If you meet someone who's willing to help you in a shitty situation like this (pun intended) then that love is for life.
Okay, now, bye.
TL;DR : Pooped my pants after consuming too much alcohol, then boyfriend had to deliver an extra pair of pants as I had a mental breakdown in a public washroom.