TIFU by not realizing my kid was walking by behind me. Now there's enough trauma to discuss with a future therapist.

I walked into the living room from downstairs and caught my wife scratching an extremely private area. Since we've been married for years and years. I'm not shocked by this. I've even heard rumors women fart. Can confirm.

Anyway, in an attempt to defuse her embarrassment. I decide to play this off as being sexy. Yes, I'm stupidly corny.

"If you're playing with yourself, I'll help!"

My wife responds with "Nono! It wasn't like that, I was just scratching an itch..."

I, of course, reply with "Well, I also have itches that you can scratch and if you scratch mine, I'll scratch yours..."

To which a noncommittal "Maybe later?.."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to smell your fingers to tide me over...Mhhmmm yummy!"

So yes, my intentions towards my beloved are rarely pure. As I am making this attempt at romantic tomfoolery, neither of us notice our kid turn the corner going to the kitchen.

The kid punches me in the arm, "That's for what you just said!" So, I'm sure a therapist will be mulling that over one day.

TLDR; My lame attempt at flirting did not succeed and instead has created childhood trauma.

Edit:

Thank you to everyone who shared their own stories. My wife and I sat there laughing our asses off. I'm so happy to see so many people in happy committed relationships. You are truly beautiful.

The King Charles III comment was absolutely on point. We giggled at that.

To the haters, I'm sorry you have never loved someone or been loved by someone in such a way that makes anything they do beautiful. You might not think I'm awesome, but she does. Do you want to know how I know that? She made tacos for dinner tonight. 🥰🥰🥰🥰